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I stopped relaxing my hair in January of 2004. It was after I had to take a semester off from school because I couldn’t pay the tuition. I don’t know if it was because my hair was the only thing I had control of at the time or if I just didn’t feel like dealing with it; but which ever it was going natural was the best thing I’ve ever done.
You never realize how important something like hair is, how it shapes who you are, how much it affects your self esteem until you have taken your hair out of its “comfort zone”. For as long as I can remember I’ve had a perm, and I’ve never had hair issues or I never thought I had hair issues. No one made fun of me because my hair was “nappy” or “kinky”. If anything I never heard these words in reference to my hair until I went natural. I gradually heard these things and being Ghanaian I heard other things that black culture may not be so privy to. For instance my aunt telling me I look like a Gollywog or Motalewaa -a Gollywog is similar to a gremlin or troll in African culture and Motalewaa is equivalent to the folk tale Americans know as Rumpelstiltskin.
Now imagine being 22, just beginning to shape who you are, being taken out of your element because there is a possibility that you will not return to college and then having a family member say you look like a troll for your hair choices? My personal favorite is strangers telling you how brave you are for “going natural”. The funny thing is that chemically putting something in your hair to alter the appearance should be considered not normal. Now I don’t see anything wrong with changing your hairstyle. Hey, sometimes my hair gets on my nerves, I don’t feel like combing it, and for those times braids or a press may be a solution. However, if black woman knew how beautiful and how versatile your hair can be without a relaxer “going natural” wouldn’t be the new fad that artists like India Arie and Jill Scott have made so popular. If we new this secret from birth, relaxing your hair would be against the norm.
Being natural and knowing that you are who are are, you are beautiful, intelligent, you are all these things and more regardless of what your hair looks like makes you feel amazing. And anyone will tell you when you’re confident about yourself it shows. After getting over the comments and taking it for what it is-which is nothing but nonsense- you’ll see the good comments. Grown men and woman stopping you on the street to tell you how beautiful you are. Or your boyfriend playing with your hair and as your coiled curl bounces back him saying “ I love your hair”.
Ask anyone who knew me in high school or the beginning of college, who still knows me to this day and they can attest to my confidence. How different my demeanor is now versus how it was. How sure I am of myself now than I was. It may not be completely because of my hair, I’ve done a lot of growing, but the first step for me being confident in my skin, in my work, in my life, was going natural.
There really is a beauty in my hair that helped me to be me.
Maria It is truly a pleasure reading about your natural hair journey. The freedom and confidence you gain…. can not be explained by a hairstyle… but a state of mind!